Musings of a little quack.

Flo. 23. San Diego. Recent Uni grad.
I post more private and random posts here, since my mom has been known to snoop around my other blogs ;;>.>

Love you, too, momma.

[Me] :< so much debt
I hate the thought that you and dad will have to work longer

[Mom] we’ll pay them off as much as possible the earliest we can

[Me] as long as i get the interest taken care of first
that should be alright, right?

[Mom] So the nice boy will not be scared away from wanting to marry you! :)
We’ll evaluate as it starts rolling

[Me] LOL
you’re funny -____-“

An update.

For those who don’t follow me on fb, just haven’t found out, etc, I will be going to an optometry school this coming fall!

I was surprised to get some of the interviews that I did, but very thankful and glad that they saw some potential in me.

I will be attending New England College of Optometry in Boston. It’s exciting and terrifying for me, as I realize what I have to look forward toward.

The good: new scenery, great city, new experiences, familiar faces (Lauretta from Lynbrook/UCSD, and some friends from study abroad!), living in a SUPER historical and cultural city, nice people, becoming a Red Sox fan. I’m sure there’s more things that I don’t even know about yet.

The bad: 4 more years of school, and it’s gonna be damn hard and damn rigorous; my fear of the unknown. I am thinking of all the possibly bad things that can happen (I don’t make friends, people are mean, I’m drowning in work, I can’t enjoy life, I flunk out of school, I’m not in the right school, I have insane amounts of debt, etc.),  all of which have me a bit worried.

But I suppose the good outweighs the bad, and the bad, though possible, has not occurred (yet). So I shouldn’t worry about such things until I approach them (though, hopefully these bad things never happen).

Anyway, just trying to savor my last 6 weeks in San Diego. Soak it all up.

People must think I’m a fool for leaving California. But I’m glad to be foolish when it comes to experiences like this. Better learn my lesson than wonder “what if.”

OMFG. JEFF YOU ARE SO NERDY!!! But still, this is pretty clever.

OMFG. JEFF YOU ARE SO NERDY!!! But still, this is pretty clever.

(Source: regularexpressions)

A shortcoming of mine.

I get butterflies and then feel a little despair/sadness. Can’t I have something more clearcut? At least I can have a bit of security because he said he wanted something “committed and fun.” But how long will this all last for?

Since the start of 2011 I’ve…

Cross off what you’ve done:

Gotten a new piercing.
Dyed my hair.
Ended a relationship.
Started a new relationship.
Been on a long car/bus journey.
Passed an exam.
Met someone who’s now an important part of my life.
Cried on someone’s shoulder.
Had a massive fight with a boy/girl.
Received flowers.
Had a Valentine.
Written a letter using pen & paper.
Been prescribed medication by a doctor.
Read a really good book.
Gone to the zoo.
Spent too much money on unnecessary things.
Traveled by train.
Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
Spent the day out in the sun getting a tan.
Slammed a door out of frustration.
Had an anxiety attack.
Babysat for a friend’s child.
Had a BBQ.
Gone to the fair.

Gone bowling.
Seen a film at the cinema in 3D.
Gone on a date.
Been the only sober one on a night out.
Helped someone home after they had been drinking.
Stayed up all night.
Talked on the phone for over two hours.
Supported someone who’d received bad news.
Watched some kind of live sporting event.
Read an entire book in one day.
Bought a DVD the day it was released.
Eaten McDonald’s more than four times in a single week.
Cried as a result of exam stress.
Met some incredible new people.
Gone to great parties.
Fallen backwards off a chair.
Broken my glasses.
Worn a watch for the first time in years.
Cried over someone in my past.
Spent hours aimlessly browsing the internet.
Thrown up.
Cried over a film.
Gone out of my way to avoid an ex-boy/girlfriend.
Fought with someone in public.
Been in a relationship for a year or longer.
Cried in front of someone I adore.
Lost one of my closest friends.

*vent*

I got guilt-tripped into spending 3 hours talking and making dumplings with my roommate’s dad. My flatmates all went out to a Halloween party and I am in no mood for it, but they said i should keep my roommate’s Dad company while he is making food for all of us.

All I want is alone time, dammit. I’m at the verge of snapping at everyone. I just want to be left alone for a little while. Is that so bad? I am good at socializing and all that bullshit, but I think they find it disconcerting that I don’t want to go out and meet new people. I don’t think it’s weird at all. Do you?
I need a break from all of that!!!!

3-shootingstars: COOL STORY BRO. WAIT, I’VE BEEN HAD. My friends turned me into a meme D: We were on G+ Hangout, and I was trying to tell my Photo Club friends a story, but I guess my internet was shoddy so I kept cutting out. I eventually got kicked off by the system and gave up on signing back in, in favor of studying (LESS THAN 3 DAYS LEFT BEFORE MY EXAM~). And then Kevin Wu made this -____-&#8220;

3-shootingstars:

COOL STORY BRO. WAIT, I’VE BEEN HAD.

My friends turned me into a meme D:

We were on G+ Hangout, and I was trying to tell my Photo Club friends a story, but I guess my internet was shoddy so I kept cutting out. I eventually got kicked off by the system and gave up on signing back in, in favor of studying (LESS THAN 3 DAYS LEFT BEFORE MY EXAM~). And then Kevin Wu made this -____-“

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just spent the past 5 minutes bawling. I haven’t cried in a while, and I’m not quite sure why I’m even crying.

Though it just occurred to me that I feel incredibly unprepared for my exam that is now less than 7 days away. I am so scared. I know that if I fail, that it’s not the end of the world, but I’ve spent the majority of my summer up until now studying for it. Albeit, the first part of studying wasn’t so rigorous as it has been for the past month. This past Sunday, I felt really burnt out. It may be partially because I was about to start my period, but I think my body is really tired of me stressing and not taking care of it.
I feel like I really have to prove myself with this exam, to show that I have the potential to get good grades and perform well. I haven’t been as disciplined as I should have been, but I’ve tried pretty hard to stay at least somewhat on task.
I want to prove that I’m not dumb and I am on a level footing with my peers, especially at work.

I’m not even thinking about all the hours I’ve spent studying and neglecting my friends and my overall well-being. That doesn’t bog me down. Maybe I’m just really damn tired.

And it’s probably my period, and the fact that my mom gave me a bit of a scare. She got her blood test results back and our doctor made her go in for more testing and she mentioned something about being severely anemic, and that she probably didn’t have what my grandfather had—a type of cancer due to extreme anemia, but that’s stressed me out for the past 4 days as well. She went back to talk to the doctor today, who told her that she’s just really anemic probably because she’s entering menopause, and has been bleeding a lot lately. So, that’s definitely reassuring that it was not worse.

I just called her to check in on her and toward the end of the conversation, when we were talking about my exam, she was telling me not to worry, and then I started tearing up, so I had to get off of the line with her ASAP.

Maybe it’s also because I’ve had this awful headache for the past few days. It’s been bothering me a lot. I hope that crying perhaps helped relieve some of the tension in my brain, lol.

It’s really frustrating that no matter who I turn to/confide in about my stress, I still have to do it myself, and I carry the whole emotional/psychological burden along with the responsibility. I guess in a way that’s empowering, but I feel so overwhelmed right now. I’ve grown more open to the idea of having my friends help me out on occasion (which is so not Asian), but this is one of those situations where I have to do it myself.

All I can ask is that I get through it, in one piece and without failing.